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Dental Jokes

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What to do you call an old dentist?
-A bit long in the tooth
Did you hear about the dentist who planted a garden?
-A month later he was picking his teeth
What does the dentist of the year get?
-A little plaque
What do you call a depressed dentist?
-A little down in the mouth.
What game did the dentist play when she was a child?
-Caps and robbers
What does a dentist do on a roller coaster?
-He braces himself
Why did the guru refuse Novocain when he went to his dentist?
-He wanted to transcend dental medication.
What did the dentist see at the North Pole?
-A molar bear
What was the dentist doing in Panama?
-Looking for the Root Canal
Where does the dentist get his gas?
-At the filling station
How did the dentist break his mirror?
Why didn't the dentist ask his secretary out?
-He was already taking out a tooth
What is big and scary and fills cavities?
-Dentist the Menace
What did the dentist say to the computer?
-This won't hurt a byte
What do dentists like most about amusement parks?
-Molar coasters
Mother: Has your tooth stopped hurting yet?
-Son: I don't know. The dentist kept it
What did the tooth say to the departing dentist?
-Fill me in when you get back
What did the vampire say after the dentist finished checking his teeth?
-Fang you very much!
A woman and her husband interrupted their vacation to go to the dentist. "I want a tooth pulled, and I don't want Novacaine because I'm in a big hurry," the woman said. "Just extract the tooth as quickly as possible, and we'll be on our way." The dentist was quite impressed. "You're certainly a courageous woman," he said. "Which tooth is it?" The woman turned to her husband and said, "Show him your tooth, dear."
Patient: Doctor, I am very nervous. You know, this is my first extraction.
Young dentist: Don’t worry, it's my first extraction too. 
Dentist: There goes the only woman I ever loved.
Assistant: Why don't you marry her?
Dentist: I can't afford to. She's my best patient.
Patient: Doctor, I have yellow teeth, what do I do? Dentist: Wear a brown tie...
Patient: How much to have this tooth pulled? Dentist: $90.00. Patient: $90.00 for just a few minutes work??? Dentist: I can extract it very slowly if you like.



A friend of mine went to the dentist recently. He commented that it must be tough spending all day with your hands in someone's mouth. He said, "I just think of it as having my hands in their wallet."


A dinner speaker was in such a hurry to get to the hotel that when he arrived and sat down at the head table, he suddenly realized that he had forgotten to get his false teeth.

Turning to the man next to him he said, "I forgot my teeth."

The man said, "No problem."

With that he reached into his pocket and pulled out a pair of false teeth.

"Try these," he said. The speaker tried them. "Too loose," he said.

The man then said, "I have another pair...try these."

The speaker tried them and responded, "Too tight."

The man was not taken back at all.

He then said, "I have one more pair...try them."

The speaker said, "They fit perfectly." With that he ate his meal and gave his address.

After the dinner meeting was over, the speaker went over to thank the man who had helped him.

"I want to thank you for coming to my aid. Where is your office? I've been looking for a good dentist."

The man replied, "I'm not a dentist. I'm the local undertaker."